I was already impressed that you had the, ahem, cojones to go over there to begin with. To follow up and talk to them again when the heat of the moment was off, that was even more awesome. Congrats – I think you did great.
I believe in spare the rod spoil the child… He was on his property disciplining as he saw fit. Had the child been running full tilt to my house, he would have been welcomed in, and the father and I would have words at my door. Wouldn’t want to be a mediator though, but if they brought it to me, then I would.
Well, in hindsight.. and prayer… I should have simply walked down there and ask if everything was OK…. the man is know for violence and alcoholism… and the cries of hte boy just sent me into mother bear mode…
I was able to talk with them after things calmed down a bit…. told the boy his dad needed his encouragement right now… that I knew things really sucked….can’t be easy losing your mom who dies of alcoholism, your home that probably was totaled because of a cigarette in the hands of someone passed out, their only vehicle broke, they are living in a small camper with a generator and the generator was stolen by a guy who his dad owed money to… he wanted to stay at the camper and watched the new generator ..and be with his cat.. the only one that survived the fire as the ohter 2 were int he house..
I talked to him while I sewed his boyscout patches on for him… let him know why I did what I did…. but his dad was right in not allowing that to come out of his mouth… told him I was there for him…..
Then I told the dad I was only thinking of Dylan…. we were there, as always , if they needed us….
Being the victim of physical abuse myself I tend probably to over react with children
I am glad I said something, I just shouldn’t ahve immediately gone into the ” my dog is gonna shred you to bits” routine…
Don’t ever second guess your gut reaction. The boy was wrong in swearing at his father, but what his father’s reaction was, was inexcusable. God was speaking through you at that moment. You did the right thing. The wrong thing would have been to have done nothing. It probably wouldn’t hurt to invite them over for a barbecue at a some point. It sounds as though they are both under an incredible amount of stress. I’m sure this isn’t the first time the man has taken his aggravation out on his child in this manner. You can reach out by being a source of caring for both of them when you feel it would be a good time, and the man doesn’t think you’re doing this to be a busy body. It sounds like they both need someone to watch over and to show them some kindness, and maybe a little charity, right now.
that adore our children and the other ones next door (to the right) hate children altogether. They put a fence up as soon as they could after moving in (knowing we had a boatload of kids!). The occasional ball or frisbee goes over the fence and last fall they threatened to make my son pay for each ball if he wanted them back…Mind you this was November and it had been MONTHS since anything had gone over it.
This Spring has been really bad. They’ve had our oldest son in tears too many times and I stormed over there so mad! I let the Mama bear come out and I felt horrible because I knew I’d burned that bridge to the ground so to speak.
They threatened one son when he was 6 with jail if he touched their mailbox again…Just the other day my children were riding their bikes with the neighbor kids and our neighbor drove by saying real loud “All these kids just piss me off”.
Being a large homeschooling family we get many looks and comments and if the neighbor doesn’t like us then we have a bit of concern that a false report might someday be filed. We joined the Heritage Foundation so we have a team of lawyers in place in case we get worker showing up at our door….*sigh*
We are so hoping to MOVE out of the house at some point and buy some property a bit farther from all the people!
Nope. Was it the right thing to do? Yup. Physical abuse is never OK. I don’t care how bad a time he’s having. Should he tolerate being cussed at by his son? No. Are there other ways to deal with it? Yes. Does his son need to know that a line needs to be drawn on personal conduct, both for his own behavior and his dad’s? Yes. Did you make an enemy of your neighbor? Probably. Tough call. But consider this – if you had done nothing, would the situation be better now because of your non-intervention? We can’t wind back the clock and un-do or re-do our actions. But I’ll bet you would regret not having stepped in if you’d heard that boy being whipped. And maybe, just maybe, the dad will think twice before resorting to physical violence in the future to resolve his problems. We all have to live within boundaries. Putting your neighbor on notice that he was about to cross one, is OK in my book. But a call to the sheriff might be in order, simply to get this one on the record and create a paper trail in case of, ahem, future incidents.
Remember the friends of mine whose “elderly” (67ish year old, stage 4 cancer survivor) husband was fired from his recently-reclassed-to-a-physically-demanding job from his 20 year desk job after he came back after cancer surgery? I helped them fight his ex-employer with the state and got him unemployment benefits. I asked here about Social Security, unemployment etc. Given his age and health, it is unlikely he will ever work for an employer again.
Anyway. They had no savings with only unemployment and Social Security. We went through TMMO together (this would be last fall, before he was fired) and they were supposedly on board, then he got fired, but when he filed for SS, decided that was a windfall and spent nearly $4k ON CHRISTMAS for their ADULT kids (they had 1 17yo at the house.) This is germane because of where they are at now.
Anyway….they put their house up for sale back in the fall, but didn’t really want to move since it was DS17’s senior year, so they took it off after 3 months.
Made a couple of trips out of state, decided in April (?) they had found the “perfect” $250k house in the middle of nowhere Utah, put an offer on it for full list which was accepted (THERE’S a real surprise) contingent on their selling their house here in CA which just sold & closed a few days ago. They moved this weekend (just arrived in Utah today.)
So the GOOD news is, they sold their house, paid off that mortgage and after realtor fees etc had enough left over to pay cash for the new house, so it’s mortgage free, with about $30-40k left over which “should” pay off all their credit cards, cars, etc. plus pay for their move. That would only leave them with about $30k left on a repossessed RV they turned back to the loan company.
Here’s what’s germane to this forum: it’s never the money, it’s ALWAYS the attitude.
This is a family who ought to be looking pretty decent financially. They are mortgage free, ought to be CC debt free since they have the $ to pay everything off, and still have enough that they could negotiate a steep discount on that RV repo.
Do I think they’ll do it? Not a chance.
I think they’ll spend that $20, 30, 40k furnishing the new place so it can be a showcase, not be able to keep up with minimum CC pmts on his SS income, start borrowing against the house (I’m sure they’ll find some banker willing to give them a HELOC against a mortgage free house) and a year or two from now, will be right back where they were this past fall.
It’s really sad and I truly hope I am VERY wrong. The “magic” of DR isn’t the math or even the method. It is the ATTITUDE change which comes when you work the baby steps, realizing that it’s really OKAY to be debt free. My mother does the same thing these two do…she has paid off her house THREE TIMES…and within a year after each, has refinanced to “remodel” or whatever her current craze is.
You can lead them to water, but only they can decide to drink. I vociferously wish them the best, and maybe after the dust settles, they will decide they are better off being debt free than living in a showcase.
I would have probably done it too, but then I was the safe house for the kids friends. Two of them had an abusive alcoholic father and they had keys to my house so if things got bad at home they could let themselves in even if I wasn’t there. The father only followed them once and I told him if he loved them he’d let them come to where they knew they were safe when he was out of control. He never caused trouble for us after that.
Fast money ($1000 – ok) transfer from Lend Me 1000 Inc. I would keep my dog close to me for awhile, not so much for yourself, but for the sake of the dog. We had a neighborhood child molester that was afraid of our dog and he poisoned her. He went to jail shortly after that because he got caught—we had no idea prior to that why our dog hated him so much. Let’s just say he never got near my kids. Gretie was a GOOD dog.
I mean waaayyyy out in the country… 6 folks on our little country rd..
so, one fella has had nothing but bad luck the last year…. his wife dies of alcoholism at the age of 39 in Nov leaving him with a 14 year old boy to raise… then in March his house completely burns to the ground…. he has to take out bankrupcy because his construction business is belly up…. He bought a camper and lives off a generator which was stolen 3 days ago by a person who he owes money to…. He is on the shady side and always has been since he moved in 20 years ago….
Anyhow, this morning I am sipping tea on the deck and I hear his son ( mind you this is several acres away) screaming.. ‘ no please.. no no..and I hear the dad yelling..
So I grab my dog ( the K9 drop out) and head down there when I get to the property line I see the man with his belt off with the boy in a hold and the dad getting ready for a belt blow… so I scream ” if you hurt that boy I will have this dog tear you to shreds”….
Come to find out the boy cussed at the dad ( which I would not have allowed my boys to do either) because he wanted to stay at the camper instead of working wiht his dad because he was scared someone would steal the generator…
The dad was hot and cussed me…. I simply told the boy he was always welcome at my home and if he needed me he knew where I was…
should I have left this alone? My husband said maybe I let my Irish temper get the best of me…. but God bless that boy…. life hasn’t been easy….
But I feel bad having caused a scene where it wasn’t my business maybe? I dunno….
What would you guys have done…
Alaska, Hawaii, and Texas
Funny enough, my cousin lived in Texas for about 5 years and I could have visited any time during that period for just the cost of a plane ticket—just not interested—hot and they have lots of bats….
Hawaii—hubby’s dream vacation. .
Alaska—my dream vacation….
We are approaching our 22nd anniversary next month.
We should be debt free (including the already paid off house) by our 25th anniversary in 3 years.
So saving for Hawaii and Alaska will begin at that point….
I had managed to go to, visit and spend at least one night in 38 states. My adult years I’ve managed to do 11 more. I’m missing Alaska and I keep saying I’m going for the Summer Solstice and never make it. I too want to see every continent and have been checking off my list pretty consistently.
I’ve been THROUGH a bunch on the way to/from bowling tournaments. As a kid, I would ride with my parents to tournaments that my dad bowled in. We just didn’t stop anywhere enroute. I also want to set foot on all 7 continents. So far I have TWO. It just takes money…*sigh*
My dad came to the United States from Germany and became a U.S. citizen.
He never spoke a word of German after that and was very proud to be an American.
(With some extreme begging—he did eventually teach me to count to 10 in German —but would teach me no more. He was an American and spoke English).
As a child, on our vacations—every year we would take a 2 week vacation and drive one way to a destination and another way back. All along the way, we would stop at anything that seemed interesting.
During those travels—I saw 46 of our great 50 states. And, one year–we flew to the Bahamas and saw how another country lived (and the impoverished people in it–we just didn’t go to the pretty parts).
(I have since been back to some states and seen state # 47 and Canada).
Hence—my huge desire to get the rest of my debts paid off and travel again with my family…..that and the fact my kids are both finishing college…….
if I was going to have “mandatory swim time” and before I had answered her, she was asleep on the floor. I know that she had been doing schoolwork this am, so I let her sleep a bit, then went swimming.
The kid that had evening shift wasn’t happy she was going to miss out…
I have children lying all over the floor in the office. I can’t get any work done. I may have to stop working today to attend to their needs. They are bored and I guess it’s my job to entertain them now. I’ve given them chores and homework and they’ve done it all. So at least the house is clean and their brains have been stimulated!
They just moved in to southern California from out of state for a job which was supposed to start July 1, and then got changed to August 1 plus downsized to a lesser paying position. Not a good start. So the Mom found a different job which pays even less initially but is a more stable company with a longer term future. So, a month from now they’ll be ok, but they used up ALL their savings moving down and covering this month with no job.
Then the DD16, who tried out for Varsity cheer end of May and made it, was told they couldn’t work with an extended payment schedule after all, and she needed to come up with $600 by this weekend to pay for cheer camp and final clothes order. Mom called stressed, looking for ideas to make money. I didn’t have too many…at least not that would make $ in 24 hours.
BUT…she’s a lot smarter than me, and came up with the idea of selling pre-paid child care vouchers (they live in a huge apartment complex.)
HOLY SMOKES. DD16 raised $375 in a SINGLE DAY!!
I was so excited for her! It motivates me to get off my rear end, get stuff listed on eBay and Craig’s list (yeah, I know, I said I wouldn’t go there), and I made my flyers for full time child care with homeschooling. I’ll go print them off this morning and start papering tomorrow.